Will never STAND UP if GAVE UP !!!!

for the first time,
i try to post a different thing...
a video clip...
this video clip comes in the rite time 4 me...

quite inspiring me for these time...
reli impressed...
when i sincerely nid some answers,
the answer will come 2 me..
may b it is d power of dhamma...





do i dare to say "gv up dy"??
think back..
think back...
gambatei, senz...

Practise everything....

still thinking and searching the answers about what and where is the mind....

today, i thought of something...
mind...
we can lead our life is because our mind..
mind are everything of us..
but our mind now is developed and surrounded by the three evils...
the three components which lead us to suffering..
ignorance, craving, hatred...
because they keep making our mind up and down..
the vibration they made..
make us think that it is our true mind...
make us think that there is a self in us...
is it the real situation?
it is juz like the clouds cover the beautiful moon...
the beautiful moon juz like our mind..
the clouds juz like the three evil..
when the clouds cover over the moon,
sm1 might think that 2nite the moon do not come out..
actually..
the moon is there on the sky..
juz it being covered by the clouds which make it disappeared...

so...
when we practise to purify our mind...
we actually are practising everything...
everything in our speech, thinking and actions..
the mind is the most important element...
no matter v play computer
read books
play football
cooking
if v can practise to see and purify our mind,
everything we do
we also can find the joy of doin it..
If we noe and follow the rule of the life,
we can actually get happiness from all things we are doin...
ladies and gentlemen,
EVERYTHING!!!
such a good chance of us to learn the subject that teaches everything,
why waste it?
why?
Y?
no nid us to pay very high fees to learn also..
even no nid us to pay oso...
sometimes i really want to cry...
reli want to cry...
see the chances of people around me wasted like that..
not that i want to be proud of myself..
juz dat
like when found smthing very useful and wants to share it out
but people dun feel so..and dun1 even sit down and hear what i goin to say...
wat to do...
but nwm...
the seed still need b to plant...
when it become tree,
i dunno..
i only noe
if seed planted
it gt a chance to grow up one day..
haha...yeah!

My Homework....

juz finish watch another Rev. Hui Lu's talk...
feel really very worth to spend time on it although my projects n assignments havent finish do...
haha..

this time...
the talk..
really give me a homework..
sifu got emphasis about the mind (xin)...
taken from sutras...
he repeatedly emphasis about these
"mind is not at past, mind is not in the present, and mind is not in the future"
"mind is not in inside of us, mind is not outside of us, and mind is not in the middle"

what does it mean??
so where is the mind?
what is the mind??
although i understand what sifu explain about these..
but i feel that i am not fully understand these..
then i feel that i have a homework...
homework...
to find and experience what these words actually means...
a sudden feel that i need to search for the answer...
to experience the answer...
until now,
these words keep floating around my mind...
ah....
dharma....
the Truth...
really wonderful..
really powerful....
these is where i feel proud to put my steps in...
trekking in this jungle,
to find the most PRECIOUS TREASURE...

ideas.....

this morning,
i open the dvd of Rev. Hui Lu's talk
hear it for 2 hours...
from start until end i onli watch rev hui lu keep preaching...
but the effect, i feel wonderful than watching a movie of that length of time..
reli so wonderful...
many things i can learn...
the happiness after hearing d talk gives me ohm...
haha...

one of the point which he brings out is
actually many things thing in this world are just our idea which served for convenience purpose only...
for example, the time..


because of our earth are spinning and revolving around the sun..
so we will have half of the earth in the bright side while the other side is on the dark side...
so we called the bright side as the day
and the dark side as the night
when we have day n night,
we can develope time based on that...
these is juz the idea for convenience purpose..
these are not real things..
when we are out of this earth and go to outer space,
there are no day and night...
so how do we determine the time there???
impossible to use the time we used in earth when we at there....
so where gone the time??

these is when Rev. Hui lu trying to explain what means 'emptiness'
'emptiness'...
for example, a cup...
we cant say that it does not exist
we oso cant say that it is a real and permanent thing,
in 'emptiness', it is a form which appear from the combination of many things..
as it is a combination...
when it born, it will surely die...
die means the separation of its combination..
then he got explain about the difference between lay people and sage...
both have the same very expensive and beautiful cup...
one day,
for the lay people,
he accidentally dropped and his cup broken...
his first reaction is about his expensive cup has broken and his heart is juz like being slashed by parang...
then he think about his money flew away..
felt very sad, very angry...

but for sage, those who fully understand the 'emptiness'
when his cup fell down and broken...
his first reaction is
ah...
impermanence..
the time of the separation of combination for this cup has reach...
His heart will not pulled away from this fenomena...
he will juz watch
understand wat is happening
then let the fenomena go...
very calm...
juz like the surface of lake water...

k la..
tonite sharing until here la..
sometimes watch reverend talks better than watching movie..
many things can learn...
haha

immobilized...

where m i now?
wat m i doing?
how should i do?
who should i be?
when i starting to being poisoned???
i m IMMOBILIZED!!!!

the poison starting to attacking in me...
i can see it..
i reli can see it..
it moves slowly...
sometimes it moves very fast...
i juz cant control it..
it immobilized my thinking..
it immobilized my actions...
it immobilized my moods...
it makes me feel my feet is not on the ground..
it make me feel unstabe..
it makes me feel that i might fall down in any second...
smtimes i need time to get alone to c and battle wit it..
dats y i b alone...
dats y i dont talk...
dats y i acted cool...

many people keep giving me advises...
some give me lessons...
some even give me care...

but i am too busy battling with the poison inside me...
i need time to get over this poison...
but the time is too short 4 me...
i need to be quick..
in quick, i need to be mindful...
mindful about wat should i do...
mindful about where m i heading to...
life can seen asvery near to me..
but in a spilt of seconds..
it can make me feel it is very far from me...
many things are not within my control..
i juz can do what i can do....
i juz need time..
i reli dun like to make myself give n follow bad excuses
i reli want to do wat i wishes..

when many things and responsibilities come at one time...
they are the lessons 4 me...
they are the final exams for me...
they are the trainings for me..
they are the warnings for me..

my body feel tired...
i wish to sleep
a good good sleep...
a long long sleep...
sleep without worry...
wake up witout worry...
so nice...

i noe the situation now is different...
i noe there are many people is wit me..
but on this battlefield
onli me,the 1 person can fight wit the poison...
s i can c this poison
s i can watch this poison
i wont get scared..
i juz need time to get my feet back to the ground..
the strong n solid support from the ground
i need u...
i still move on with the time...
i still in defragment process...
senz..u can..
JUZ SMILE...

for dear seniors....

this time...
as i see...
many seniors has drift far away from us...
many sail far away after pencen as committee...
v..
are those juniors..
which grow up because of the care of seniors...
now feel sad..
to watch this kind of fenomena....
supposedly senior who stepped down from committee board
should have stay behind those juniors
gv them the energy 2 move on
instead of these juniors need to worry about their seniors while working hard to attract new juniors....
these juniors will get tired easily
when see their senior like dat..
after retired from committee,
become the other pattern totally opposite than wat we fighting for when we are the committe together...
may be d reason or the excuse given behind this fenomena is
the society didn't gv me any position so they already dun need me...
position is juz d name...
it is nothing when u reli want to help this society...

i think..
reli true that..
no1 in this world is needed by every1...
it is how u make urself needed by every1..
u cant sit there n wait to be needed by people...
even the Buddha
if He did not realise and preach the Truth
he also now wouldn't needed by people

so u cant expect every1 would value you,
if urself wouldnt value yourself...
when every1 noe that u really sincere to be part of the family
then dun differentiate each other because of posts and name
dun make urself very expensive
the egoness
is the poison in a society
it makes every1 feel uncomfortable
and it can spread n kill every1 in the group..

this family need to reunite
the old members should get back strengthen its roots
when the roots is strong enough
it only can grow fast and good...
so dear my seniors...
i reli respect u all...
this family is not mine alone...
this family cant be throw away..
if you think this is the good place where u be in b4
please come back
gv energy to those who in here
plant the seed 2 those who new here
let them noe
the family can be exist in this university..
let them noe there is a place to go other than their own home..
come come...
our own family.....